Random News of the Day: Don't call it a comeback

Random News of the Day: Don't call it a comeback

Tuesday, Sept. 28, 2010
11:05 AM

By Joe Collins
CSNChicago.com

When it comes to NFL knockout pools, almost all of us are tomato cans. We are has-beens. We are no-names. Heck, maybe you were even called a "never-was" or a "never-will-be" at some point. We are there just to fill out the lot so that somebody else can run off with the money, title and glory. We get suckered into participating because of the illusion of money. Then, when our team doesn't win, we smash our Ikea coffee tables and punt the remote off the back porch. We're just not fully equipped to go 12 rounds in NFL's boxing ring.

Well, either that or we're just not lucky. Right?

How many of you are in an NFL knockout pool? Better yet: how many of you are still standing after Week (Round) 3? If you are not familiar with what a knockout pool is: it's a survival game, of sorts, where each participantplayer selects one team per week to win an NFL game. If your team wins? Great! You survive until the following week. If your team loses, you go Clark Griswold and punch the nearest stuffed animal and then wait to make your donation to next year's pot. Some pools have rules stating that you can't pick the same team in back to back weeks. Some pools go as far as saying once you pick a certain team you can't pick them again the rest of the year. There are even others where you can't pick a favorite with a point spread of seven or greater. Talk about the risk of hitting the canvas early on, you know?

It seems like everyone has a little system for picking a team in a knockout or survivor pool. What about you? Is there a set of rules or hunches that most of us can agree on? Here is my list of knockout rules that I abide by on a (semi) regular basis:

Never pick a team that's playing in front of a national audience: I always flash back to what a conference room full of executives would look like at, say, NBC when they pick their Sunday Night game lineup: "We simply cannot have a matchup like (contending team in small market) going up against (chump in a top 10 market) ever again! We lost so many eyeballs in the third quarter. Look at these numbers! And who got this catering order all screwed up? Where are those interns?" Anyway, TV executives want the absolute best matchups for prime time, nationally televised games. Trust me, these guys do their homework in finding the best possible matchups that don't result in blowouts. Plus, I would think that these games impact players a lot more than the noon Sunday games: "We better bring it! We're playing in the spotlight tonight!" The atmosphere is just too intense to put all of your faith into one game. Plus, a national spotlight gives the would-be "lesser" team a chance to shine. How many of you picked San Diego over Kansas City in Week 1? Look at all the warning signals in that game: Kinda-sorta-good-yet-untested team (SD) playing (1) on the road, (2) on national TV, (3) against a team with a crappy record in 2009 that's (4) looking to break out and has (5) a crazy fan base (6) who doesn't mind watching a game in a monsoon. You know what happened next.

Never pick a team that's playing against a "new" quarterback: I went against the grain on my own theory and nearly had an ulcer in the third quarter Sunday afternoon. Seriously, did any of you have a funny feeling that Ryan Fitzpatrick would help hang 30 on a New England team in Foxborough? Or that dinosaur Seneca Wallace would hang with a Ravens team with a venus fly trap-like defense in their home opener? I went with the Ravens and nearly fainted. To me, any team that look for a "spark" with their second-string quarterback (by choice or by circumstance with injuries to Plan A) have nothing to lose. Too many wacky things can happen.

Never pick the team that you cheer for on a regular basis: Having a random team let you down in a knockout pool is one thing. But having the team you love break your heart in a money-based knockout pool is tantamount to football's version of the show Cheaters. It's not going to end well. I can just see Joey Greco coming up to you after your team lost: "We know where your team is right now. If you want to confront that team, it is up to you."

Seek out the angry teams and make them your friend: I wish I had the huevos to pick the Cowboys in knockout this past weekend but I just couldn't pull the trigger. Let's face it, a team is better when its back is up against the wall. Think about it, if you're at work and you get called out in your supervisor's office for being a lazy mail-it-inner who is constantly updating your Facebook status with things like, "What am I going to eat at Arby's today?" or "UGH, I am having the worst day ev-errrr! LOL ROFL OMG BRB K", you should come out of that meeting a little more focused. The Dallas Cowboys were in that office after losing to the Bears. If they were to fall to 0-3, they cease to exist. Jerry Jones would have turned them all into hummus. They HAD to win in Week 3. And the Texans were ripe for a letdown anyway. Sure enough: Dallas 27, Houston 13.

Never pick a team in any bitter rivalry: Like the wobbly punt that is coming your way, you just have to think "GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" to picking knockout teams that play in games like: Bears-Packers, Jets-Patriots, Steelers-Browns, Redskins-Cowboys, Eagles-Giants, Eagles-Redskins (or heck, any NFC East matchup for that matter). Just say no! Again, too many wacky things can happen.

If you dare pick a road team, you better know something we don't: Home-field advantage doesn't really carry the same weight it used to. NFL stadiums all look the same now. The crowd noise is the same, the insults are the same (except maybe in Philly), the layout is similar ... etc. There just isn't that intimidation factor. So how does this theory come into play: if you dare pick, say, Arizona to go across the country to beat, say, Jacksonville, kudos for having big brass ones. This all is kind of an offshoot to another rule I have: never pick a road team to win that has to travel through more than two time zones to get to the game.

There are other crazy rules in pools like this that make us think we're knockout savants, like: Never take a team that's going up against a top-10 defense (no matter what the records are), never take a team that flunks the turnover ratio, never take the Detroit Lions in any scenario, look for home teams against non-divisional foes in the same conference ... etc. It just gets delirious after a while. Bottom line, we know nothing. If we did, we would all have won we would have built our own "knockout pool" in the Caribbean, only we'd be swimming in it with margarita in hand. It's an inexact science. And maybe that's what make NFL knockout pools so much fun. We think we have everything figured out and then something comes along (Miami beating Minnesota in the dome for instance) that makes us want to go Mike Tyson on the entertainment center.

The closest I have ever come to winning a knockout pool was 16th (out of a pool of over 300). So, you're not exactly getting 1-800 number advice here. But the minutiae of every mental rule and detail when it comes to pools like this is nothing short of fascinating. Our wallets are gluttons for punishment. We get knocked out every year and come back hungrier.

Because this might be the year that we end up getting the dough to buy a new coffee table.

Right?

Or something like that.

Joe Collins is an assignment desk editor for Comcast SportsNet and contributor to CSNChicago.com.

Fast Break Morning Update: Jonathan Toews powers Blackhawks past Canucks

Fast Break Morning Update: Jonathan Toews powers Blackhawks past Canucks

Jonathan Toews' four-point night paces Blackhawks past Canucks

Bad blood fueled Bears-Vikings playoff bout profiled in 'Bears Classics: Eclipsing Moon'

Five Things from Blackhawks-Canucks: Corey Crawford rebounds

Northwestern holds off Ohio State for fifth Big Ten win, first win in Columbus in 40 years

Marcus Kruger 'pretty close' to returning for Blackhawks

Cubs, White Sox react to tragic deaths of Yordano Ventura and Andy Marte

 

Jeremy Roenick takes One More Shift for the Blackhawks

With losses piling up, things starting to get predictable for Illini — and not in a good way

Five Things from Blackhawks-Canucks: Corey Crawford rebounds

Five Things from Blackhawks-Canucks: Corey Crawford rebounds

The Blackhawks’ starts have been all over the map this season but their finishes have usually been strong. That was the case again on Sunday night as the Blackhawks took a lead, lost a lead and regained a lead for good in their 4-2 victory over the Vancouver Canucks.

This one featured a little bit of everything. So let’s just get to the Five Things to take from the Blackhawks’ victory over Vancouver.

1. Jonathan Toews breaks through. If the Blackhawks captain’s confidence was a little shaken with his lack of scoring this season, it should’ve gotten a boost with his Sunday outing. Toews’ goal and three assists were as big for him as they were the Blackhawks, who needed every bit of it late against the Canucks. In his last 12 games Toews has three goals and eight assists. He’s getting there. Said coach Joel Quenneville, “it seems like he was around the puck way more and when he does that, usually good things happen.”

2. Great start. This hasn’t been written very often but it was more than evident on Sunday night. If this wasn’t the Blackhawks’ best opening period of the season it was pretty close, as they broke out to a 2-0 lead against the Canucks. The Blackhawks, outside of a 3 ½-minute sequence without a shot on goal, were tenacious and ready to shoot, taking an 18-9 shots-on-goal edge in that first.

3. Corey Crawford rebounds. Quenneville considered Scott Darling for this game, an understandable thought with Darling coming off a 30-stop shutout. But he wanted Crawford to get back to where he was prior to his appendectomy, and Crawford took a step in that direction on Sunday night. In stopping 25 of 27 shots Crawford got his 18th victory of the season and 200th of his career. Quenneville said Crawford “looked like he was in control.”

[SHOP: Get your Blackhawks gear right here]

4. Michal Kempny’s tough stretch. When Kempny has been good this season he’s been very good. When he’s been bad... The defenseman was in the penalty box when the Canucks scored their first goal and he was beaten by Bo Horvat on the Canucks’ second goal. Kempny didn’t play the final 14 minutes of the game. Quenneville, who liked what Kempny brought on the team’s road trip, said Kempny just has to work through some things. “Coverage with awareness and knowing sometimes it’s man coverage, sometimes it’s playing the puck and clearing the loose stuff,” Quenneville said. “Defenseman is a tough position as you’re growing and learning it, but the more you play the better you play and I still think he’s making progress.”

5. Brian Campbell gets to keep No. 500 this time. Campbell thought he had his 500th point against the Colorado Avalanche on Tuesday night but it was taken away. Well he got it back on Sunday night, setting up Richard Panik’s 11th goal of the season in the first period.