Sunday, Feb. 6, 2011
By Joe Collins
I was going to write a Super Bowl commercial pieceand it almost got completely derailed once the National Anthem started. Not so much because Christina Aguilera botched the lyrics, but because of this: is it me or does she look like an early-90s version of Cyndi Lauper? Or maybe Snookis long-lost cousin? I had 3-4 paragraphs written on the topic before she finished the song. Oh well, maybe that column will have to come another day.
Super Bowl commercials are almost as big as the game itself. If you have ever thrown a party for the big game, there is always that guy that watches the game just for the commercials. Yes, Im that guy. Without the Bears to get excited (or freaked out) about, I had no emotional interest in the game itself. The time would much rather be served by taking in some advertising Americana. After all, these things help keep the economy rolling along, right? These are my five best and worstcommercials seen between 5:00pm CT and the time our beloved northern friends hoisted the Vince Lombardi trophy:
THE FIVE BEST:
--DORITOS FINGER LICKING:
Much like Mother Nature did last week, Doritos simply dominated. Their Pug ad was pretty good, but the Finger Licking ad was one of the best. An office worker gets bummed out after his coworker eats all of the Doritos. So what does he do? He licks the residue off his fingers. Later, another coworker wipes the Doritos residue on the side of his pants and...you can fill in the blank from there. Hey, it doesnt hurt to be a little creepy in commercials, as long as you dont push the envelope too far.
--CHRYSLERIMPORTED FROM DETROIT:
Eminem appeared in two spots in Super Bowl XLV. The first one was by Brisk, featuring the rhyming Eight Mile-er in Claymation. This second one by Chrysler was pretty slick. It featured a remixed Lose Yourself as a backdrop. The driver cruises past various sites in Detroit: The Joe Louis Fist, The Fox Theateretc. Its a bit long 2:00but they got it right with Eminem. Kid Rock and Bob Seger couldnt pull that off.
Doritos had three commercials air in the first quarter. The House Sitting one rivaled the Finger Licker. A house sitter notices that the owners fish has gone belly up. He springs him back to life by throwing a few chips into the bowl. He then accidentally knocks over an urn (containing grandpas ashes), spilling the contents all over the floor. Like the fish, the old codger comes back to life thanks to the magical power of, you guessed it, the triangular corn chip.
--VOLKSWAGEN THE FORCE:
Pint-sized Darth Vader uses The Force on things around the house: the washerdryer, the family dog, a doll and his fathers Volkswagen Passat. But the Passat has a surprise for the young Vader, thanks to an assist from Dad. Worth a chuckle.
--BRIDGESTONE REPLY ALL:
Nothing says fun like accidentally hitting reply all on an office email. One guy figures that out the hard way. He goes on an adventure with help from Bridgestone Tiresto try and stop the message from reaching the unintended targets.
Note: The Budweiser Tiny Dancer one just missed the cut.
THE FIVE WORST:
--PEPSI LOVE HURTS:
I thought it was a pretty mediocre Super Bowl year for Pepsi commercials. This particular commercial and the Pepsi Max Can To The Groin spot were tepid at best. Pepsi did have a decent showing on the Blind Date spot, where the girl is internally over-analyzing about the guy shes withand the guy just wants, well, the obvious. Then, he gets distracted by a Pepsi Max and all he wants is that. Meh.
--COKE THE SEIGE
Much like the Black Eyed Peas halftime show, this spot was overproduced and bloated. Cokes Border commercial made up for this one a little bit, where one guardsman alters the border of his country to give his neighbor a drink.
--BEST BUY OZZY OSBOURNE & JUSTIN BIEBER:
There are only two people in the world who, no matter what they say, will be funny: Mike Tyson and Christopher Walken. Ozzy Osbourne is a close third. Unfortunately, he doesnt get much to say here. No memorable lines. Justin Bieber didnt add much either. The space age backdrop didnt make it for me. Too busy and confusing.
Not really sure what the advertisement was for (I didnt see any specific popcorn corporate logos or anything), but they showed a bunch of guys watching the Super Bowl from the high roller suites. Then they showed Cameron Diaz feeding Alex Rodriguez and it-- -errr uhm. Oh wait. That wasnt a commericial.
--GO DADDY JOAN RIVERS:
Having Danica Patrick seduce mass audience is one thing. But Joan Rivers? Really?
What do you think? What were your top five? Or bottom five?
At the very least, we can hope the Bears are in the Super Bowl next year. We wouldnt have to analyze the commercials that much.
Or something like that.