Random News Of The Day: Super Bowl Ads

Random News Of The Day: Super Bowl Ads

Sunday, Feb. 6, 2011
10:00 p.m.

By Joe Collins
CSNChicago.com

I was going to write a Super Bowl commercial pieceand it almost got completely derailed once the National Anthem started. Not so much because Christina Aguilera botched the lyrics, but because of this: is it me or does she look like an early-90s version of Cyndi Lauper? Or maybe Snookis long-lost cousin? I had 3-4 paragraphs written on the topic before she finished the song. Oh well, maybe that column will have to come another day.

Anyway

Super Bowl commercials are almost as big as the game itself. If you have ever thrown a party for the big game, there is always that guy that watches the game just for the commercials. Yes, Im that guy. Without the Bears to get excited (or freaked out) about, I had no emotional interest in the game itself. The time would much rather be served by taking in some advertising Americana. After all, these things help keep the economy rolling along, right? These are my five best and worstcommercials seen between 5:00pm CT and the time our beloved northern friends hoisted the Vince Lombardi trophy:
THE FIVE BEST:

--DORITOS FINGER LICKING:

Much like Mother Nature did last week, Doritos simply dominated. Their Pug ad was pretty good, but the Finger Licking ad was one of the best. An office worker gets bummed out after his coworker eats all of the Doritos. So what does he do? He licks the residue off his fingers. Later, another coworker wipes the Doritos residue on the side of his pants and...you can fill in the blank from there. Hey, it doesnt hurt to be a little creepy in commercials, as long as you dont push the envelope too far.

--CHRYSLERIMPORTED FROM DETROIT:

Eminem appeared in two spots in Super Bowl XLV. The first one was by Brisk, featuring the rhyming Eight Mile-er in Claymation. This second one by Chrysler was pretty slick. It featured a remixed Lose Yourself as a backdrop. The driver cruises past various sites in Detroit: The Joe Louis Fist, The Fox Theateretc. Its a bit long 2:00but they got it right with Eminem. Kid Rock and Bob Seger couldnt pull that off.

--DORITOSHOUSE SITTING:

Doritos had three commercials air in the first quarter. The House Sitting one rivaled the Finger Licker. A house sitter notices that the owners fish has gone belly up. He springs him back to life by throwing a few chips into the bowl. He then accidentally knocks over an urn (containing grandpas ashes), spilling the contents all over the floor. Like the fish, the old codger comes back to life thanks to the magical power of, you guessed it, the triangular corn chip.

--VOLKSWAGEN THE FORCE:

Pint-sized Darth Vader uses The Force on things around the house: the washerdryer, the family dog, a doll and his fathers Volkswagen Passat. But the Passat has a surprise for the young Vader, thanks to an assist from Dad. Worth a chuckle.

--BRIDGESTONE REPLY ALL:

Nothing says fun like accidentally hitting reply all on an office email. One guy figures that out the hard way. He goes on an adventure with help from Bridgestone Tiresto try and stop the message from reaching the unintended targets.

Note: The Budweiser Tiny Dancer one just missed the cut.

THE FIVE WORST:

--PEPSI LOVE HURTS:

I thought it was a pretty mediocre Super Bowl year for Pepsi commercials. This particular commercial and the Pepsi Max Can To The Groin spot were tepid at best. Pepsi did have a decent showing on the Blind Date spot, where the girl is internally over-analyzing about the guy shes withand the guy just wants, well, the obvious. Then, he gets distracted by a Pepsi Max and all he wants is that. Meh.

--COKE THE SEIGE

Much like the Black Eyed Peas halftime show, this spot was overproduced and bloated. Cokes Border commercial made up for this one a little bit, where one guardsman alters the border of his country to give his neighbor a drink.

--BEST BUY OZZY OSBOURNE & JUSTIN BIEBER:

There are only two people in the world who, no matter what they say, will be funny: Mike Tyson and Christopher Walken. Ozzy Osbourne is a close third. Unfortunately, he doesnt get much to say here. No memorable lines. Justin Bieber didnt add much either. The space age backdrop didnt make it for me. Too busy and confusing.

-- POPCORN:

Not really sure what the advertisement was for (I didnt see any specific popcorn corporate logos or anything), but they showed a bunch of guys watching the Super Bowl from the high roller suites. Then they showed Cameron Diaz feeding Alex Rodriguez and it-- -errr uhm. Oh wait. That wasnt a commericial.

--GO DADDY JOAN RIVERS:

Having Danica Patrick seduce mass audience is one thing. But Joan Rivers? Really?

What do you think? What were your top five? Or bottom five?

At the very least, we can hope the Bears are in the Super Bowl next year. We wouldnt have to analyze the commercials that much.

Or something like that.

Bears numbers don't indicate 3-13, yet still lie

Bears numbers don't indicate 3-13, yet still lie

In doing some post-season wrapping up of my Nerdy NFL Notebook as we begin turning the page to the 2017 season, part of it involves compiling where each team finished in big-picture team offensive and defensive categories: overall ranking (total yards), as well as team rushing and passing ranks on both sides of the ball.

So if the Bears wound up ranked 15th overall in total yards gained and allowed, they should've finished…oh, 8-8, right? It adds to the deception of some of the deeper issues that focus on a lack of playmakers, which tied into their inability to make plays when it matters most. In John Fox's 9-23 start, 18 of those games have been decided by six points or less. They've won just six of those games. 

Offensively, the Bears ranked higher in total offense than five playoff teams: Kansas City (20), Detroit (21), Miami (24), New York Giants (25) and Houston (29). They wound up 17th in rushing offense, better than four teams who advanced: Seattle (25), Green Bay (26), New York Giants (29) and Detroit (30). And their 14th-ranked passing offense ranked better than the Giants (17), Kansas City (19), Dallas (23), Miami (26), Houston (29).

On the other side of the ball, they'd be even better off before allowing 109 points over the final three losses. Their total defense ranked better than Detroit (18), Green Bay (22), Kansas City (24), Atlanta (25), Oakland (26) and Miami (29). After being gashed for 558 rushing yards the last three games, they fell to 27th in the NFL against the run (better than only 30th-ranked Miami). But the seventh-ranked pass defense, despite collecting a measly eight interceptions (among only 11 turnovers), was better than nine playoff teams: Miami (15), Pittsburgh (16), Kansas City (18), Detroit (19), the Giants (23), Oakland (24), Dallas (26), Atlanta (28) and Green Bay (31).

[SHOP: Gear up Bears fans!]

What do all the hollow numbers indicate? A lack of complementary, opportunistic football, playmakers on both sides of the ball, a minus-20 turnover ratio, and a lack of quality and continuity at the quarterback position — to name a few. All of those playoff teams have more impact players (or kept more of their impact players healthy) than the Bears in 2016.

While some of the numbers aren't that bad to look at, and some even raise an eyebrow, there's still a deep climb from the most significant numbers: 3-13.

Bears' best rookies will have another learning curve

Bears' best rookies will have another learning curve

There's a sense of irony and, to a certain degree, concern about what changes the Bears' coaching staff has undergone.

Think of the best of Ryan Pace's 2016 rookie class: Leonard Floyd, Cody Whitehair, and Jordan Howard. They were brought along under the position group tutelage of outside linebackers coach Clint Hurtt, offensive line coach Dave Magazu and running backs coach Stan Drayton. The latter was the first to depart, shortly after the season ended, to return to the collegiate ranks on Texas' new staff.

He's been replaced with former 49ers and Bills offensive coordinator Curtis Modkins (also serving as that position coach in Detroit, Buffalo, Arizona and Kansas City). Howard certainly adapted to the NFL game well, more than anyone expected, as the NFL's second-leading rusher. One would think Drayton played a part in that.

Longtime John Fox assistant Magazu was also let go after the season despite the impressive move of second-round pick Whitehair to center the week of the season opener after Josh Sitton was signed following his release by Green Bay. Whitehair was sold as a "quick study" following his selection out of Kansas State, where he was a four-year starter at three different positions (but not center).

[SHOP: Gear up Bears fans!]

Like Howard, he wound up making the All-Rookie team, but whether he remains in the middle of the line or not, he'll be getting his orders now from Jeremiah Washburn.

Rounding out the trio of All-Rookie selections was Floyd, who was brought along by Hurtt. He impressed Fox enough to be kept around from Marc Trestman's staff, and moved from defensive line to outside linebackers.

That's where he assisted Willie Young in morphing to a foreign role, yet still managing 14 sacks over the last two seasons. The Bears have yet to name a replacement for Hurtt, who's joined the Seahawks in taking over one of their strengths in recent years, the defensive line.

These three were already good, and the jewels of last year's draft. But if they're to grow and ascend into impact contributors if and when this team becomes a regular playoff contender, it'll come from new faces, new voices in their respective classrooms and position groups.