Fantasy rules! (Your life!)

Fantasy rules! (Your life!)
September 6, 2013, 9:00 am
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At long last, the three ring circus that was my summer is coming to a screeching halt. You would think I would have this down by now, but...

What amuses me to no end is when I actually think I can plan things out and then have those plans go according to Hoyle. I guess you could call me a slow learner. That or the “product” I’m selling to the loyal following is also having an effect on yours truly. Not helping matters is the amount of baseball I have been subjected to. I say this since the three teams I spend most of what free time I have watching are a combined 178-240. Talk about being dumbed-down. I’ve taken the slow road from disappointment to anger to gallows humor. Actually the road wasn’t that slow since I really had no expectations. It’s easier when you disassociate -- you can’t get hurt that way. It gets to be fun watching how a team will implode. Every day! The only real surprise at this point, for me, is seeing that the Sox actually have a worse record than the Cubs. (3 games back with 20 to go) How glad am I that I didn’t make a planned Cubs-Sox wager with Mr. Cub, David Kaplan. Losing the bet? And having to pay off to Kap? That would have been enough to put me over the edge. I can’t imagine what many of my Sox brethren are going to have to go through to pay up. What? There’s still time? Have you been watching? Ha!

To add to my misery, my supposed solace, my fantasy baseball team, has been under-performing at what I consider epic levels. A team that has Mike Trout and Bryce Harper isn’t destined for 7th place is it? Is it?!? I know way too much about the dregs of MLB hitters trying to find my answers on the waiver wire. Which begs the question, which is worse: Major League hitting? Or guys who stay up late on their computers looking for more extra base hits? (That’s right! Extra base hits!) If ever I understood those who deride my love for fantasy baseball this is the year. For some reason it’s not as fun when I’m not in contention to win. Oh, well. I still have a shot at 3rd and I plan on going down swinging. Or in my hitters’ cases, swinging and missing. It’s going to take me a while to look at David Freese the same way again.

And I will never, ever, have a team with Jayson Heyward on it!

Yes. I am an adult!

Sorry. This stuff climbs inside your head and won’t let go. Not to help matters, while I’m playing taxi on my off days, I’m able to pull up results on my phone while I’m waiting. And waiting. It never goes away.


Of course enter now, the reason for being: Fantasy Football. (Que the church organ)

After waiting for what seemed like forever, and for me constant questions about Chip Kelly and Riley Cooper, it’s time for the fun to start.

And with me, you know that would also include a little drama. While most normal people wait to have their draft until at least after the 3rd preseason game, to sort out injuries and depth charts, my group chose to have our draft in mid- August. What could go wrong? Well for me it was drafting Pittsburgh rookie Le’Veon Bell as he was getting injured! I can’t make this stuff up! I guess my first mistake was drafting someone named Le’Veon. Here we go again!

In a year were there aren’t a lot of dependable big point running backs, my plan was to take a stud runner with my 1st pick(#3), 2 receivers at the 2-3 (PPR) and then the 2 best running backs at 4-5. Since it seemed like the 2 best were rookies, my hope was that one of them would blow-up, helping me build a solid core. Literally blowing up was not an option I’d considered! Besides Bell’s foot issues, I was soon confronted with Denver’s #2 pick Montee Ball’s depth chart issues. Whereas I saw someone who could vulture numerous goal-line carries for a vaunted Denver offense, I didn’t see him having pass-blocking issues that would slide him to #3 on the depth chart. Do you know what it’s like reading daily about Lisfranc injuries and Knowshon Moreno? It’s hell, that’s what it is! None the less I keep looking and reading everything I can, hoping that at some point my luck will change and I can find the player that will facilitate that change. (I heard that!)

So this has led me down a path I swore I would never travel: A second fantasy football team!

I know. I know.

I have said many times, at the bar and in this space, that multiple fantasy teams in any sport are for sicko’s and social deviates. I may have my issues but I’m not that bad!

Until now!

I mean, I’m not totally at fault here. Circumstance has taken me to this point.

And fortunately for me, it’s fairly easy to find another league full of 2-timers. Who knew? Plus these guys knew how to have a draft: On-line and after the rosters had been set. How quaint.

But there was still the two-team nagging me, so what to do? What you always do in those situations. Find someone else like yourself, who only needs a nudge to go over the edge.

Someone else from the Philly!!

It makes too much sense. Now the misery doesn’t have to be mine alone. And when one team messes up, I’m sure the other will be there to console me. This is the life!

Not to jinx anything, (like I believe in jinxes) but I think it’s a good thing when after the draft that we both felt like we might be on to something. At least it will be nice to have a team that is built to be in it. (And no rookie running backs! Yet! At least when we have to scour the waiver -- wire I will be well versed!)

And the team name is only fitting: Illeagle

Sounds about right.

So much so, that I found myself not as distraught when my own team blew up in my face on Thursday night. Who has Eric Decker for 5.2 points on a night when Peyton Manning throws for 7 tuddies? This guy!

It only makes me laugh. Especially since the Illegal’s had Wes Welker and his 25.7. Nice.

Better yet, we aren’t going against Peyton Manning. For those of you who are this weekend, good luck with that.

And as his luck would have it, my partner has Manning and Welker in his other league. Wow. This could be a fun ride. I can’t wait to see where this goes, because at least for now, anything is possible.

And if he has enough luck for the 2 of us, we can use another Philly football name to call our team: