Random News: Top 10 guy movies of all time

Random News: Top 10 guy movies of all time

Tuesday, Nov. 9, 2010
12:28 PM

By Joe Collins
CSNChicago.com

I will bet you a million dollars that you haven't seen these things before:

A yoga instructor carrying a 12-pack of Schlitz

Kenny Rogers doing a cover of Naughty By Nature's "O.P.P."

Nursing home residents playing beer pong

Or even.

That kid from "Webster" playing quarterback for the New York Jets

See? Bet'cha haven't seen any of that before. I'm sure there are thousands of other things that you have never seen. Actually...well, now that I think about it, if you take a 95 mph fastball to the head you might see the kid from "Webster" do a lot of things. Who knows. But strangely, at some point during the course of your lifetime, I bet there's a good chance you might have seen the following things that are equally random:

Mike Tyson singing "In The Air Tonight" in a Las Vegas hotel room

Two guys wearing black suits and sunglasses zig-zagging through a shopping mall in an old Mount Prospect police car ("Baby clothes. This place has got everything.") http:www.youtube.comwatch?v=_oMtdXaqBx4

A cop, hanging off the roof of a skyscraper via fire hose, shooting his way through a window to get back inside the building

How do these miracles happen? Guy movies. That's how Guy movies make the improbable seem likely. And the un-ordinary seem ordinary. Guy movies have a way of making the bizarre, disgusting and juvenile seem commonplace. So don't be surprised if you see Kenny Rogers dishing out Naughty By Nature or even Wu Tang Clan covers in the near future.

But what makes a "guy movie" a really great, well, guy movie? Is it blood? Destruction? Violence? Explosions? Hot chicks? Crude humor? Sports? Gang warfare? Bombs? Zach Galifianakis? All of the above? I had a conversation with a few people the other night regarding what should be on the list of the greatest guy movies of all time. After about 27 seconds, our group had a list of 10. I'm sure we could have hit 50...100...even 200 movies if we had the time (and I'm sure we'd make time if given the chance!) But as the conversation ended, I started thinking further: it would be torturous trying to keep this list at an even 10. Some serious cuts would have to happen.

So in order to get to 10...I figured that there had to be some rules about "Guy Movies" to help finalize the list. Most of these should be universally accepted when talking about this topic: (A) A girl, while watching a guy movie, should always succeed at getting lost with the jokes. Girls aren't supposed to "get" guy movies. That defeats the purpose of it. (B) It has to be a movie that guys can quote easily. Guys love quoting guy movies. Girls hate that. And we love those movies more because of it. (C) The movie has to contain at least two (2) significant guy elements that were detailed in the previous paragraph (blood, sports, explosions...etc)

So here goes.

The 10 best 'Guy Movies' out there...as I see it:

10. Hoosiers (1986) - It was a close battle between Fast Times At Ridgemont High (Phoebe Cates exiting a swimming pool set to "Moving In Stereo" by the Cars nearly put that movie in the top 10 all by itself) and this movie, widely considered to be one of the best sports movies of all times about a 1950s high school basketball team from Indiana. And I bet a lot of guys will probably hate to admit this, but here's guessing the "picket fence" scene or the final scene made some of them a little misty. There, I said it.
9. The Hangover (2009) - Frankly, I wasn't the biggest fan of this movie when it first came out. I felt it was kind of run-of-the-mill and borrowed a lot from other movies (take the "Rain Man" casino scene for example). But I have to admit, the movie has everything that is perfect for this list: a guy getting Tasered in the junk, a bachelor party, Mike Tyson singing and a wild that nobody can remember. To not have this movie on the list would be a travesty.

8. Airplane! (1980) - The main reason this movie is on the list is because 99 of women will not get 99 of the jokes. To me, I think for a woman to enjoy a comedy there has to be some kind of emotional element unfolding on the screen (see: comedies, romantic. See also: Aniston, Jennifer). "Airplane" is the exact opposite: hundreds of quotable jokes at warp speed. To wit:

7. Caddyshack (1980) - What's great about this movie is the memorable lines: "It's in the hole!", "Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?", "Your uncle molests collies", "So I got that going for me, which is nice." Great stuff. And here's another thing about how cool the whole "Cinderella story" sequence is Bill Murray: it was all improvised.

6. The Godfather (1972) - Actually, this should read "and...The Godfather II" for the full effect. And let's pretend Godfther III never happened. What makes this a "guy movie" is quite simple: the guys rule the families. And violence can happen when respect falls by the wayside. There are too many good scenes to list, really. It's a movie that any guy can't refuse.

5. (Every James Bond Movie Ever Made) - Notice I didn't put "every Monty Python movie ever made" on this list. No real man likes Monty Python. You heard right. Sorry. 'Bond' is cool-- everything from his girls to the weapons to the slick style that Bond emulates This ranking would have appeared higher, but when a Bond guy like Pierce Brosnan appears in movies like "Mrs. Doubtfire," sorry.

4. Swingers (1996) - I forgot to mention one thing in the early paragraphs of this column which makes guy movie great: LAS VEGAS. The movie also teaches guys about how to leave a message on a girl's voice mail. That's vital. See? Guy movies can be educational. Vegas baby...Vegas. Did I mention this movie features Heather Graham?
3. Die Hard (1988) - I can't believe my parents let me see this movie when I was 10 years old. But I'm glad they did. Bruce Willis was the baddest yippie ki-yay m I had ever seen up to that point. One cop 30 terrorists a high rise building a truckload of explosives? That's guy movie perfection. Unfortunately, Bruce Willis did other things besides 'Die Hard'-- like the TV show "Moonlighting" and a few bile-producing Seagrams commercials:

2. Goodfellas (1990) - I'm willing to bet that 99.999 of the guys out there who see 'Goodfellas' end up with some desire to be in the mob in some way. I mean, how could you NOT want to be in the mob after seeing this? Cash, girls, alcohol and no rules whatsoever. What's not to like? And if someone talks down to you? You whack the guy. Game over. I can't even hear the word "Lufthansa" anymore without thinking dreams of getting filthy rich. The "May 11, 1980" scene might be one of the best ever put to film.
1. Animal House (1978) - How about that-- the top movie on this list features John Belushi in a starring role. You couldn't do that, Jim Belushi. Sorry. Speaking of "sorry," it's the funniest line uttered by our hero after going destructo on a wimpy guitar player:

Is it a great movie of critical acclaim? Maybe, maybe not. But in a way...that's what makes it so good. It's loud and out of control...and makes every guy wishing they were back at college again.

Others receiving votes: Old School, The Longest Yard, The Big Lebowski, Wedding Crashers (Rachel McAdams never looked better), Back To The Future, Fight Club, The Shining, Scarface, There's Something About Mary, The Terminator, Stripes, North Dallas Forty, Dirty Harry, Slap Shot, Hoosiers, any Rocky movie, The Deer Hunter, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, The Naked Gun movies, Raging Bull, Cool Hand Luke, and any 'Rambo' movie. Heck, any Stallone movie. Well, except for 'Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot'.

And note: "Grease" did not come close to making this list.

Or something like that.

Do you agree of disagree with this list? Submit a comment below!

Report: Cubs acquire Aroldis Chapman from Yankees

Report: Cubs acquire Aroldis Chapman from Yankees

The Cubs have reportedly acquired closer Aroldis Chapman from the New York Yankees on Monday, according to Jon Heyman of MLB Network. 

It's being reported that the Cubs will send Gleyber Torres, Adam Warren, Billy McKinney and one other player to the Bronx.

The Cubs and Yankees were in the final stages of a trade on Sunday, according to CSNChicago.com Cubs Insider Patrick Mooney.

In 31.1 innings this season, Chapman has a 2.01 ERA with 20 saves and 44 strikeouts.

Stay with CSNChicago.com for more as this story develops.

32 Days to Kickoff: Downers Grove South

32 Days to Kickoff: Downers Grove South

CSNChicago.com preps reporter "Edgy" Tim O’Halloran spotlights 100 high school football teams in 100 days. The first 75 team profiles will focus on teams making strides across Chicagoland and elsewhere in the state. Starting Aug. 1, we’ll unveil the @CSNPreps Top 25 Power Rankings, leading up to kickoff on Friday, Aug. 26. You can view Edgy Tim's other football previews here.

School: Downers Grove South

Head coach: Mark Molinari

Assistant Coaches: Terry Kent (Offensive Coordinator), Dan Bielawski (Defensive Coordinator), Paul Maggiore (QB's), Tony Nevrly (WR's), Jon Orech (DL), Brian Petring (OL)

How they fared in 2015: 3-6 (3-3) West Suburban Gold Conference. Downers Grove South failed to make the 2015 IHSA state playoff field.

Biggest storyline in 2016: Can the Mustangs bounce back to its winning ways this fall?

Names to watch this season: TE Charley LaCivita, QB Matt Greenwald

Biggest holes to fill: Graduated four-year varsity starting offensive tackle Erik Swenson (Oklahoma) was a leader for the Mustangs on and off the field.

EDGY's Early Take: Despite the graduation losses the Mustangs welcome back 12 starters this season. If South can find some answers in a few key spots they have a chance to give defending conference champ Hinsdale South a test for the WSC Gold conference crown.

Ten years later, A.J. Pierzynski recalls Michael Barrett encounter in Crosstown Classic

Ten years later, A.J. Pierzynski recalls Michael Barrett encounter in Crosstown Classic

Hard to believe, but it's been 10 years since the fist of Michael Barrett famously hit the face of A.J. Pierzynski, creating one of the most legendary moments in the Windy City Series between the White Sox and Cubs. 

The punch lasted only one second, but speaking with the man who was on the receiving end of that punch, Pierzynski knows he'll be hearing about it for the rest of his life.

"It's just one of those things that happens," Pierzynski said in an interview with Comcast SportsNet. "Hey, you got to be remembered for something."

Fans won't let him forget it, even if some have forgotten what actually happened that day—which might also include Pierzynski. More on that in a moment.

First to the play that started it all. It occurred on May 20, 2006. While scoring a run on a sacrifice fly on a ball hit to shallow left field, Pierzynski knocked over Barrett at home plate. The White Sox catcher then moved towards the Cubs backstop to retrieve his helmet. 

If it was anybody else, nothing would have happened. This story you're reading would never have been written.

But this was Pierzynski, one of the most hated players in baseball, the notorious monkey in the middle of everything.

This Sox was about to get socked.

"I went up to get my helmet. He grabbed me and said, 'I didn't have the ball (bleep)," recalled Pierzynski. Barrett threw a right hook that hit Pierzynski square in the left cheek, producing an image that has been permanently burned into the minds of Cubs and White Sox fans.

Or so we thought.

A decade later, Pierzynski says he frequently comes across people who have somehow forgotten what actually occurred.

"What's happened now is most people don't remember what really happened. They just know Barrett and I got into a fight," Pierzynski said. "Most people actually think that I hit him. People (say to me) 'Remember that time you punched Barrett and knocked him down?' So, it's kind of funny how it's kind of changed over the years."

But still, many people do remember the punch quite well, especially Cubs fans who relish in heckling Pierzynski whenever he comes to town, like earlier this month when his Braves played the Cubs at Wrigley Field.

“They’ll say things like, ‘Michael Barrett's coming. Look out!’ And I'll be like, 'Yeah, whatever,'" Pierzynski said. “Or they’ll yell ‘Hey, you suck! Or I hate you!’ Then it’s like, ‘Okay, great. Welcome to the club.’” 

The White Sox won the game that day 7-0, but Cubs fans have had a victory of sorts ever since—the memory of Barrett pelting their White Sox nemesis, a guy who pestered them for years.

But even Pierzynski himself seems to remember the play differently than everyone else. His account of what occurred will probably get under the skin of Cubs fans.

What else would you expect from A.J.?

"He didn't really hit me though, that's the thing," said Pierzynski. "He kind of just pushed me. It was weird, because he grabbed me and we were so close. It wasn't like (Rougned) Odor when he hit (Jose) Bautista where he wound up. I mean, it was so close that he just kind of pushed me off balance. 

"And (third base coach Chris) Speier grabbed me right away and then like 10 guys from the White Sox jumped on top of him. And poor (Cubs outfielder John) Mabry who was my hitting coach in St. Louis. I know we were laughing about it when I was in St. Louis. I think he ended up in the hospital with broken ribs and he had nothing to do with it."

Call it a punch, call it a push, most athletes who take a hit like that would be so humiliated they’d never want to talk about it again.

Not Pierzynski.

“I literally laugh about it. It’s funny to me,” Pierzynski said. “Now my kids are of the age to use the internet, so now that’s like the first picture that always comes up, and they’re like, ‘Why did you get in the fight with the guy?’ I tell them the story and they have to explain it to their friends. It’s just one of those things that happens in your life. Hey, at least it happened on national TV and gives people something to talk about.”

Six weeks after the fight, Barrett sought out Pierzynski at Wrigley Field before the White Sox and Cubs resumed the Crosstown Series on the North Side. The two shook hands, made amends and the feud was over.

But the two have not spoken to each other since.

“I haven’t seen him,” Pierzynski said. “I mean, we played a little bit, but I haven’t seen him off the field.”

What would you say to him?

“I don’t know. ‘Hey, how you doing?’ I don’t even know what he does anymore.”

Barrett is currently the minor league catching coordinator for the Washington Nationals. Attempts to interview him for this story were unsuccessful.

[SHOP: Gear up, White Sox fans!]

At 39, Pierzynski isn’t sure how much longer he’ll play. He already has enough baseball memories to fill multiple lifetimes. But his recollections of those classic White Sox-Cubs games will never fade.

“I played in Yankees-Red Sox, I played in Dodgers-Giants, Cardinals-Cubs, nothing matched the intensity," he said. "Maybe it was because I was on the White Sox and there was such a dislike for the other team, not only in the fan base, but also kind of the organization. It’s just kind of there. 

"It just brought out the best. It always seemed like it brought out the best in both teams. It was always the one game you circled, and it was like, ‘Okay, we’re playing the Cubs coming up in a week. Everyone be ready.’”

Pierzynski was always ready—maybe not for Barrett’s fist—but the face that took the beating that day gave us all a knockout Cubs-White Sox moment, one we will never forget.